Going Places With Gordon Harold (parts 5 & 6)

FIVE

So, it was Monday, March 3rd. It was cold outside, and I hate coming into work on cold days. Most of the time I’m one of the last people in and someone always looks at me like, “Nice of you to show up.” But, for God’s sake I get there at 8:45am! Every morning I do the same things.

First, I walk to my desk. Pretty fast. Not that I’m fast. I’m pretty slow, but I shuffle pretty quickly in the morning. Second, I plug my computer in, sit down quickly, type in my password (FLUFFYPANDA69!) as fast as I can and pretend like I’ve been there for an hour. Sometimes I even drink what’s left of yesterday’s coffee like it’s from this morning. Three, I act like I’m getting up for the first time in a while; oh, my legs! I do a big stretch and then amble to the kitchen for some oatmeal.

“Sup.” Someone will always say. I look at them like Marlon Brando (in my mind), nod my head and say, “Oh, you know.” And I wondered almost every day why nobody said, “No, I don’t know.” But nobody cared to counter my meaningless chatter.

I get a bowl, check it for hair or gunk that the dishwasher didn’t remove and then head over to the drawer where the measuring cups were kept. I’d measure a half cup of oatmeal and a full cup of piping hot water from the big industrial sized coffee maker. Every couple of weeks, Todd, one of the creative directors would say, “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who measure their oatmeal, and those who don’t.” He’d laugh at himself. One…